Harrison’s entrance to this world. Long and tricky. Precarious and filled with love.
As the time comes for me to drift into maternity leave and embark on the next chapter in my life, I’m left to question and reflect on so much within myself and this journey that is pregnancy. There have been divine blessings, many of which I had no idea would occur, and also many challenges. So much change, both physically (obviously!), mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The energetic shifts that have occurred have catapulted me into new terrain, awareness and presence. I have so much gratitude for this process and wish to share some of my experiences with you...
However, as I often talk with my clients about taking time to acknowledge the achievements gained before catapulting forwards, I know I should start with some refection. Over the past 6 years I have built a thriving, inspirational and fulfilling business as a Kinesiologist/ energy worker/ life coach. It has been quite the journey, from my spare bedroom in Sydney to a clinic in Sydney, then, taking the leap to move to Brisbane and develop a entirely new client base whilst undertaking further study. This leap greatly changed how I worked with my clients and inspired me ultimately to form my own clinic.
Along the way there has been much learning, moments of pure uncertainty and despair and moments of extreme gratitude, love and laughter. Much like the pregnancy! Everyday I am inspired and challenged by each client, each soul I connect with provides me with an opportunity for personal growth and self reflection. I could not have chosen a more beautiful role to step into at that time of my life.
It has been an achievement that I’m completely proud of. My challenge now is to not hold on too tight and allow this next phase of me to unfold organically.
So…now... I’m at the edge. In the rocky land of transition. I’m saying a (temporary) goodbye to my regulars and turning away new clients. It’s hard. I can hear the voice in my head saying, “oh but what would have we discovered there” and placing my self worth in my work rather than in who I am. However, I know if I listen to the deeper me, it is right to let go for the moment. I detach and surrender to the grand plan. It fills me with anticipation, uncertainty and possibility all at once. The moment just before you jump into the unknown.
It conjures a vivid image of myself (and my friends) at an isolated rock ledge in the south of Italy; we had all run to this amazing grotto and were just about to jump our hot and sweaty bodies into the cool blue Mediterranean Sea. I’ve never been one for rock jumping, but I could not say no, so just as I decided to take the plunge, I felt the adrenalin, a huge smile spread across my face, a yelp of excitement and then into the deep depths of the ocean of that soothing water I plunged. Once in the action of it, the joy was there, right with me. The fear was all in the decision making and thinking. The mind.
To a degree, I’ve already jumped. Being now 38 weeks pregnant, there is no turning back. It’s happening. And the joy is here! The joy is strong! This is however a two phase change (and most changes ultimately occur in conjunction with many other changes) The next big jump will be labour and the birth of my little bambino/a. And then the journey of parenthood. And then the journey of melding motherhood and kinesiology together. Though lets not get too far ahead of ourselves!! One jump at a time otherwise the overwhelm and fear can get in the way of any the jumps occurring. I remind myself to stay in the present. Stay in this moment. Life seems to unfold at such an incredible pace, however the present moment is always the present moment. There is no speeding or slowing of the moment, it is what it is. It holds much potential and much peace. In the moment of the jump, I must stay present to feel the joy, otherwise it will all be fear in the mind.
"To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders"
Chuang-tzu, Taoist philospher
I’ve found my two biggest sources of comfort within this process are getting into nature regularly and my yoga/meditation practice. The deep peace that comes simply by taking a deep breath and truly seeing the amazing surrounds of the bush/beach/ inner world never ceases to amaze me. I know I would have found this journey of fluctuating hormones, change and decisions much trickier without being connected to these gifts. The journey of pregnancy has allowed me to experience these joys in an ever deeper way. The feminine energy that is me at this time, sees colours in new ways, hears the birds sing with greater freedom and feels the sun reach deep into my bones. I was not expecting the deep bliss that has come from this heightened feminine state.
Water and connection with all things feminine, especially other women, has also been deeply comforting for me. The peace that fills me with a lovely bath, swim in the ocean, or sitting beside a river is intense and at times overwhelming. The pure love and support I have felt from other women during this time has also been wonderful and surprising. I feel so much more connected to the ‘sisterhood’ and marvel at the feats of women and how we can support and inspire each other in our own unique way. I’m hoping to find this peace and support in my labour where I plan to have a strong midwife present as my primary care giver and a water bath as my primary pain relief (or so the plan goes!). It is interesting (but perhaps not surprising) how my increased femininity has also deepened my connection with my husband. He has stepped into the role of holding the space and offering me exactly what I need when I ask. I am less afraid to ask for the support I need during this time and he is less afraid to offer it. This, I feel, has strengthened our relationship and does not make me feel like a 'weak woman' but rather a women on a mission that she does not want to do solely on her own. I feel empowered. More so than ever.
The more I understand this journey of pregnancy and the power in the feminine, the more it is becoming clear that the people and environment we surround our self with, can make or break our experience and ability to be in our power. This is not a new concept, and is not necessarily positive or negative, however it is in these heightened states of change and growth that the energies of others are more greatly felt. Be wise with who/what you surround yourself with.
The other huge factor I have become aware of is the power of the expectations that we place on our self. If I can offer one piece of advice, let go of all expectations in pregnancy and in life in general! Be present. Allow. Trust that you’ll deal with it when you get to it. Trust your body. I personally can not think of a bigger lesson in the wonderful, incredible, mysterious power of the body than pregnancy. Over the past 9 months, my uterus had expanded to over 1000 times it’s original size!!! It’s grown a placenta and of course a LITTLE HUMAN! All without me knowing or thinking or understanding this process. WOW. Imagine if we trusted ourselves completely to intuitively and genetically know how to live. Know what to feed our body. Know how to move our body. Know how to rest our body. This stuff all seems simple in comparison to what the uterus does, yet why do we get so stumped by this in daily life?? Is it the mind getting in the way?
"Develop a mind that is vast like the water... Rest in a mind that is vast like the water"
The feminine energy grows very strong in pregnancy, or so I’ve experienced. It has been a wonderful journey of observing myself understand rest, stillness, creativity and timelessness. Of course, I’m still living in the modern world, so can not live completely timelessly, but my approach; my inner clock, the pressure I put on myself to be logical, organised and on time has all softened. I guess as my body has softened. As my intuition, energetic awareness, connection and vision has sharpened. It’s actually really lovely.
This is a state I believe we can all tap into if we choose to. It is not a state found only in pregnancy. It is an awareness, a choice and a suggestion. An alternative way of living rather than the ‘norm’ of the ‘doing’ state we are so often in. Life is much to do with balance, so if you find your days are usually full of doing, how can you invite in some being? Some stillness. Some connection. Some feminine power.
"People say that we're all seeking is a meaning for life... I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive"
Here are some more specific tips and tools I used in my pregnancy which might be helpful for you if you are also on this journey;
· Swimming has been my saviour when I need to move and breath deeply. My focus has shifted from how many laps I can swim (yes I was an exercise-aholic at times!) to the beautiful patterns the sun makes on the pool tiles through the water… :)
· Yoga and Meditation… When I shifted from my usual strong Vinyasa practice to a softer pre-natal style, I truly began to connect to the little person inside me. It also altered my meditation practice greatly; I shifted into deeper inner exploration meditation. I have meditated most days in my pregnancy and I don’t think I could have continued to work for as long as I did with out this practice.
· Getting into the bush. Sunshine, moonlight and fresh air.
· Talking and connecting with other women, my midwife and my partner. Asking for support and advice when needed. Taking the pieces of advice that you choose to.
· Educating myself on my body, the process of pregnancy and labour;
My favourite books have been “The Mama Bamba Way” by Robyn Sheldon and “The Down to Earth Birth Book” by Jenny Blyth. Also Juju Sundin’s “Birth Skills” has been so empowering for the labour. I also attended an Active Birth workshop which was super great for my partner and I.
· Eating well but not being too strict. I decided to not eat out as often so I knew what I was putting into my body. Cutting out foods that affected my energy and that I was naturally turned away from, for me that was red meat, refined sugars and gluten. I introduced in more dairy (apart from milk) I ate as much organic produce as possible.
· Trust and Surrender. Everyday is different in pregnancy.
· Kinesiology and Acupuncture, especially in the first and third trimesters
· Essential Oils; Lemon and Peppermint for nausea and headaches. Lavender for sleep and calming. Citrus for energy.
I hope this is of some benefit to you or someone you know
So you may have noticed a trend with my blogs, I tend to only write something when it’s really screaming for my attention… and usually the inspiration comes directly from my clients… which is often a reflection of exactly where I am at at this moment also (yes I do have my own issues)
This week/month’s focus is the feeling of stuckness. Of emptyness. Of how the hell do I get through the next 5 weeks till Christmas-ness.
Do you know this feeling??
It’s that feeling of waking up early as the sun rises, but not really wanting to get out of bed. And if you do manage to get out of bed, it’s the desire to sit with your cup of tea all day long.
So how do we move through this? Cos, it’s nearly summer, the time to reap the rewards of the spring harvest. To eat fruit and be merry. But, how can I do this when I’m exhausted and lost my mojo??
Perhaps this is a result of not hibernating and restoring your energy during winter? Perhaps you ploughed through the colder months as if you had energy to burn. As if you were invincible. You thrived even… but now… there is something lacking.
So again, how can I move through this?
My feeling is firstly to take the time to be aware of this fatigue and lack of motivation. Just feel it. Acknowledge it. Rest a little (or a lot). Say no to anything that is just not rocking it for you. Delete some social engagements that don’t engage you. Sit in the morning sun with your tea and recharge the bones with the Sun’s endless energy.
Energy is endless you know, it never finishes or ceases to exist, it simply changes form or location. Think of the incredible life giving energy of a tree, cut down and stored in the wood, burnt and converted into heat from a fire, transferred into biochemical energy for your body. So technically you can't be without energy, it is always around us. Moving across varying potentials of energy.
You need to change your form. And perhaps your beliefs around what energy is.
Try something new. Hang out with new friends. Read something you wouldn’t normally choose. Buy a new recipe book and get creative. Go to some new markets. Look up a new website/ blog to lose yourself in rather than good old facebook or instagram.
Start small and work up to the big stuff.
I’m not suggesting to quit your job or get a divorce… yet ;)
Working out what makes you happy NOW (now what used to or should make you happy) Then DO IT. Schedule in the time and make it happen. Only you can do this. And like I said, start small. It doesn’t have to be huge or overwhelming. I mean, heck, try Earl Grey instead of English Breakfast.
Then once you start to build some momentum toward present time happiness, you will start to see messages or signs to help with the bigger stuff. You will be more connected to your feelings so will begin to connect to what is working and what really isn’t. Inertia begins to act as a positive force toward positive change.
I love the “law” by Mark Manson, “The Law of Fuck Yes, or NO”. If it isn’t a “Fuck Yes, then it’s a NO”.
This is what I’m implementing at the moment… do you think it might be of benefit to you too?
One of the most commonly asked questions in my clinic is… ‘how do you protect yourself from all this stuff (energy, emotions, beliefs) flying around?!’
Well you asked so here I go...
I have a few strategies. The most important is being present to the current situation.
I set the intention that I am present with each and every client. The whole time. The moment I feel I’m drifting off somewhere is the moment my energy is vulnerable. Being present to what is actually happening in the moment is a great way to protect yourself, as you feel what is coming at you and you can choose what to do with it. Feel it, express it and then let if flow through. I visualise I have lovely deep roots that the e-motion (energy in motion/ emotion in motion) can flow down out of my body and into the Earth. The old discarded ‘stuff’ acts as a type of compost for the Earth. I am then nourished by the fresh energy that she sends me back up through the roots.
If I’m not present, then the energy/ emotion/ belief is more likely to store in my body/ energy field. This doesn’t feel good as it’s not my stuff.
I use energy clearing sprays between each client to clear the room and I spray it over myself also. I open the window and allow fresh air to flow in. I use Australian Bush Flower Essences Love Spray, Shell Essences Harmony Spray and the Liquid Crystals Clearing Spray.
Crystals. I use crystals like Lepidolite, Black Tourmaline and Black Onyx to create a shield which stops the e-motion moving upstairs into my home. Lepidolite is also a great protector from harmful EMF’s from wi-fi, power lines and electronic devices.
Hydration. I keep super hydrated. I drink so much water, herbal tea and coconut water on my clinic days (and all days really) I use vibrational Hydration drops to make sure I can absorb the water or add a pinch of Himalayan Salt to the water. Adequate hydration enables me to move the energy. If I’m dehydrated I’m affected by the energy; I usually end the day exhausted and don’t want to talk to anyone. If I maintain my hydration, I can be in the clinic all day and feel great at the end.
Boundaries. I know my limits and I don’t push them. I have set myself a maximum working time per day. Yes I work long days sometimes, but I won’t actually work with clients for more than 7 hours in a day. If I start early and finish late, I will ensure I have breaks during the day where I nourish myself with good food, meditation and/or fresh air. Going for a short walk around the block in the afternoon or at the end of the day is super helpful to shift anything that doesn't feel good.
Self Healing and Clearing. I give myself healing when I can. This might mean a short meditation in the afternoon. It might mean as I’m falling asleep of an evening I give myself some Reiki or do a body scan clearing. It might be a foot rub as I’m sitting on the couch. Listening to soothing or classical music as I’m doing emails/ driving. These small acts of self love make my energy stronger and clearer.
I hope you can take some of this into your life. So often we carry around other people's junk. We’ve got enough of our own stuff to sort through, we don’t need anyone else’s.
We’re also disempowering them from learning their own lessons in life by trying to do it for them.
Let them sort their own stuff so they don’t keep creating it.
Give a man a fish and he has one meal, teach him to fish and he’ll never be hungry (or something like that)…
Ever wonder when it’s time to let go of the hurt and the pain and move on? It can be tough, as often we feel we still NEED something from the situation… recognition, support, understanding, thanks… but do we? Why are we searching for this from outside of ourself rather than honestly and opening giving ourself that feedback?
I’m talking about the times when you wanted MORE from the situation… When you felt betrayed that he or she didn’t do this or that. They didn’t say thank you. They didn’t help you out. They did something awful perhaps and never took responsibility for it. They used you.
So I started to look at this in myself and in my life and I started to see a pattern. This was how I was treating myself.
Have you ever done it to yourself? Pushed too hard without offering love or gratitude to your mind, body or heart? Took too much from self and didn't give or receive anything in return? I know I have. Many times. Gosh, I trained in Classical and Contemporary dance 6 days a week for 3 years whilst working part time and partying super hard, I then went straight into professional dance work whilst still working part time. During these 10 or so years, I don't think I gave myself more than 2 days off in a row from exercise.
This leads me to wonder… do we create in our life what we are giving ourself??
What happens when we give OURSELF more? More love. More understanding. More support. Will I also attract it in? I think the answer is a resounding yes.
It is, perhaps, a tricky transition to make. I heard the words ‘selfish’ ‘lazy’ and ‘really?!?’ popping into my head.
So lets change those glasses. Put on the rose coloured ones for awhile… See how the world looks from a tinge of pink. A tinge of self love, support and understanding. Like how you would treat your best friend perhaps. Why not? I’ve been working on this for awhile now and I really quite like it :)
This perspective shift has to apply to how you look at the ENTIRE world and how it's unfolding, as well as yourself and your actions. There needs to be a sense of overarching trust and positivity.
I’ve been told that sometimes I’m not in the ‘real world’ that I’m this butterfly that just expects that it ‘will all work out’ (yes I have been known to say that) I’ve also been known to say “how can this be wrong- it is what it is” and “the Universe works in mysterious ways”….no actually I don’t think I’ve ever said that one out loud, but I’ve definitely thought it!!
This is highly frustrating to anyone wearing their brown coloured glasses (you know- all they can see is the crap). But I choose (as often as I can) to see the pink. Why wouldn’t I?!?!?! Why do we feel the need (often as a whole society) to focus on what’s lacking?
It’s the common statement to a child who comes home with a test result of 98%… “so what did you miss?” I mean really, come on!! New phrase “wow that’s amazing, go you! What was your strategy? Did you have a study plan? Did you ask lots of questions in class….” Have a moment of praise, of wonder, of acceptance. Then lets look on the learning that has been offered to us. What WORKED here.
Sometimes it can be difficult to see what worked if there are layers of murkiness and pain involved. But keep digging and you will find it on some level of your consciousness. This can actually change your life (but then again it could just be what you’re allowing your attention to shift toward)
Lets focus on the positive and continue to try and grow more positiveness in the world. Look at what’s working and bring more of it in. Look on what can be improved and bring more of that in. Rather than always cutting ourself and each other down to size, lets support each other to build more good.
Lets acknowledge what we are ALL bringing to the table, warts and all, and see how we can make this WORK. If the time spent our Parliament slandering each other was spent focusing on developing new policies in alignment with what is creating positive growth and change in our society, I’m sure our world would be a richer place in all senses of the term. But this has to start HERE. Within YOU.
Gosh, could you imagine the time we would free up if we stopped slandering ourselves?
We might even work out how to let that old stuff go.
As I celebrate all that is 2014 and set my sights on 2015, I aim to make each and every moment an unique aspect in my artwork of life.
Each interaction with each individual, each choice, each breath, each moment are all part of my masterpiece.
Wholeheartedness and presence leads to consistent and steady transformation. We are aware of what our whole self desires in the moment.
When we honour this without apology, we flourish and flow exactly to where we need to be.
My intention for the foreseeable future is not to get caught up in what I think I should be doing, or what I think others think I should be doing, but rather checking in what my heart desires, being present and acting from a place of wholeheartedness.
So here's to making present and wholehearted choices as best we can in each moment.
Presence is the best Present you can give;
and to those around you